Bella’s Dead: Twilight, Chapter 23

Bella is dead. At least, she says she’s dead. And she would know better than anyone, so I’m inclined to believe her.

How does she know she’s dead? Because she hears an angel calling her name.

Now, I don’t have any experience in dying, but I want to know how she can tell it’s an angel just from hearing its voice. Does she have an associate’s degree in Angelology or Linguistics or Phonetics? Did an angel appear to her one night a long time ago and if so, is she basing her view of all angels off of this one experience? Usually, the most recognizable part of an angel is its wings, or its halo. Not its voice. 

Oh, I get it. Edward’s the angel. How sweet of her to think of him as a powerful spiritual messenger.

The angel Edward sounds panicked, and the words that he’s saying make it seem like Bella is dead. Words like “Oh no” and “Oh please no.” Bella wants to say words too, but she can’t. I know just how she feels. I lost my voice once. It was terrible. I felt like I couldn’t talk. 

She feels pain. She hears another voice that conveniently tells her and the reader that she has a head wound, she’s lost a lot of blood, one of her legs is broken, and some of her ribs are broken as well.

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Could be worse. Just ask Saruman.

But all this pain is overshadowed by another pain. She feels like her hand is being eaten by fire. She starts to talk, and the first thing she says is, “It hurts.” Like we didn’t know that already.

There’s a perfectly logical explanation behind the burning hand. Tracker James bit her on the hand. Now she’s turning into a vampire.

Carlisle suggests that Edward suck out the venom. Edward’s not sure if he can do it, but then Bella yells at him, his face filled with painful indecision. If he waits any longer, it might be too late.

Edward mans up and kisses Bella on the hand, and the pain slowly goes away.

Edward thinks he’s sucked all the venom out, because Bella’s blood tastes clean. But he also says he “can taste the morphine.” Now I’m not a doctor, and I don’t eat blood often enough to tell whether it’s clean, but morphine isn’t in blood naturally, so if there was morphine in Bella’s blood, wouldn’t that mean that her blood isn’t clean?

I guess this means Bella is not a vampire. Hurray. I’m so happy for her.

hotline_bling_parody_snl
Everyone’s favorite real estate tycoon is happy for her too. Guess we have a lot in common. 

Bella thanks Edward for saving her life and then goes to sleep.

The end.

I just have one question: What happened to Tracker James?

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