What are you supposed to do when you find out that a guy’s been watching you when you sleep? Invite him into your house and let him sit on your bed, of course!
Highlights
Edward drives without looking at the road. I would make an Asian joke here, but that would be racist. He turns the radio on and navigates to an “oldies station,” which is music that was made before JFK was shot. He then makes a very bold statement: “Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh! The eighties were bearable.”
(I could go on a long rant about Edward’s poor taste in music, but that’s not what you’re here for. Just remember that the eighties gave us this.)
Then he tells Bella about his past. Edward was born in Chicago in 1901. When he was 17, he was dying of Spanish influenza. It had already killed his parents, and that’s when Carlisle Cullen saved him. How this whole saving thing works, I don’t know. It wasn’t explained very well.
Anyway, Carlisle “saves” a few other people, and they become Edward’s “siblings.”
By this time, Edward and Bella arrive at Bella’s house. She lets him in because Charlie’s not home yet. Or rather, he lets her in, because he found the spare key hidden under the eave that she never told him about and he opens the door before she does.
Edward confesses to spying on her, but instead of getting mad, Bella is flattered. I don’t blame her. If I found out a hundred-year-old man had been stalking me, I’d probably blush and fan myself and ask him out to dinner. Bella is being completely logical here. It’s not like Edward’s acting like a pervert or anything.
Except that he is!
I love Edward’s defense for spying on Bella: “What else is there to do at night?” Oh, I don’t know. Sleep, maybe? Just a thought.
Now here comes what might be the creepiest moment ever in the history of young adult paranormal romance. Edward reveals that he spies on Bella every single night. Not a good look for him.
She asks him why. This is his chance to give a really good reason and redeem his creepy self. Maybe “to protect her from werewolves” or something similar to make him look like this protective figure. What does he say?
“You’re interesting when you sleep. You talk.”
Really, Edward? That’s your excuse? Santa Claus’ excuse is he has to give children presents and he has a severe cookie addiction. Stupid as that may sound, it’s infinity times better than Edward’s.
So Bella talks in her sleep. What an interesting detail. I just wish it had been mentioned earlier in the book so that when this moment comes up, it could have so cool how the pieces fit together. Oh well. Maybe next time.
Speaking of sleep talking, my first college roommate talked in his sleep. So one night, I decided to see if we could have a conversation. It was around 11 p.m. (we were freshmen, so we hadn’t learned about the joys of staying up past 1 in the morning). I heard him say, “Crap! They’re gonna get us!” I asked, “Who?” And he replies with, “The rabbits!”
I wish I could have continued the conversation, but I was too busy laughing silently.
Anyway, I love how Stephenie Meyer describes Edward when he sees how Bella reacts (and I’m not being sarcastic): “His expression shifted instantly to chagrin.” He doesn’t know that it’s not common practice to watch people sleep.
What makes this even more hilarious is Bella’s response. Edward asks her if she’s angry at him. She says, “That depends!”
That depends? On what? In what universe can you be fine with a guy from your high school looking through your window while you’re sleeping?
She says it depends on what he heard. Not what he saw, but what he heard.
Turns out that Bella talked about her mother and the rain and this mysterious, pale guy from her high school. Of course, she’s embarrassed. What Edward did is equivalent to reading her diary. It is a serious invasion of privacy. Now of course, if she slept with the window open and she talked so loudly that she could be heard from the sidewalk, then she would have no reasonable expectation of privacy and therefore couldn’t complain. Oh, the things I learned in Media Law.
Then Charlie comes home. Edward hides. Bella makes dinner. Charlie asks her if any boys have caught her yet. Bella says no, and she’s not lying. Edward’s a man. A 104-year-old man, to be exact.
Charlie then brings up nobody’s favorite character, Thirsty Mike, because he’s friendly, forgetting that nice guys finish last. Bella insists they’re “just friends,” and that’s that.
Then Bella showers, then puts on a t-shirt and sweatpants, which happened to be one of my go-to outfits in college, along with a t-shirt and basketball shorts, a hoodie and sweatpants, and a hoodie and basketball shorts. Bella regrets leaving her silk pajamas in Arizona, probably because sweatpants don’t look flattering on anyone. What she forgets is Edward loves her, no matter how baggy she looks.
Then the two sit on Bella’s bed and talk about their feelings, and Edward, for the first time, struggles to come up with words to say.
He admits to being very jealous when Thirsty Mike asked Bella to the dance. He admits to hearing Bella say his name very clearly in her sleep, and that was when he knew she was a special girl.
Then Bella pops the question, sort of. “Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday,” she tells Edward.
Slow down, girl! You haven’t even gone on two dates and you’re already thinking about marriage? I realize this isn’t your average romance. Most relationships don’t involve one party going to the other party’s house to watch them as they sleep. Most relationships don’t involve a human being and a paranormal creature. Well, I guess a lot of them do, especially in the young adult genre. But still, in the words of Peregrin Took, “Don’t be hasty.”
Bella, are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with Edward? What if there’s someone else out there? Take Jacob, for example. Sure, he’s a bit young and naive, but he’s ripped, and he doesn’t want your blood. Shouldn’t that count for something? I’m warning you now, Bella, if you don’t do something, you’ll probably end up in a love triangle thing. Just a hunch.
- This is pretty much the worst line ever made
- “You’re interesting when you sleep” – Edward
- Pickup lines for insomniacs, part I
- “If I could dream at all, it would be about you” – Edward
- Oh, that’s so sweet. If I could dream at all, it would be about playing in the NBA and eating donuts. Maybe that’s why I’m still single.
- Similes that seem to work at first but don’t after you think about them
- “You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia” – Edward
- Maybe it’s because I’m was homeschooled, but I don’t know what freesia smells like. This image doesn’t work for me. Now, if it was replaced with fried chicken or wet socks or apple pie, then it would work much better.
- Things people should have said to Kristen Stewart
- “You are a terrible actress — I’d say that career path is out for you” – Edward
- But maybe Kristen Stewart’s a good actress who was cursed with bad writing in the film series. I don’t know, I haven’t seen the movies. Yet.
- 50 Shades of Inspiration
- “Bring on the shackles — I’m your prisoner” – Edward
- 50 Shades of Grey started out as Twilight fan fiction. This is probably where it all started.
- Dadvice
- “Wait till you get to college to start looking,” – Charlie
- He’s a smart man. High school boys have no idea what they’re doing.
Of Rice and Me 