Long Talks on the Porch: Twilight, Chapter 11

If a guy won’t stop asking you questions, he’s either interested in you, or he’s a stalker. The two occasionally overlap.

Chapter 11 Highlights

In biology, Bella watches a video so boring that she doesn’t watch it at all. Instead, she looks at Edward.

After biology, Bella has gym. They’re playing badminton, one of those racket sports that involves a net and hitting a ball with feathers. Asians are really good at it. Bella is terrible at it. Thirsty Mike pairs himself up with her and shows off his sweet badminton skills, because if there’s anything girls like, it’s boyfriends who have great skills. Bella somehow manages to hit herself in the face with her racket, all the while hitting Mike’s shoulder in the same swing. This sounds impossible, but I guess anything is possible when you’re in love with a vampire.

Speaking of which, Mike is not happy that Bella and Edward are a thing now. “He looks at you like you’re something to eat,” he tells her. Bella ignores him.

The next time Bella sees Edward, the vamp tells her that Thirsty Mike’s getting on his nerves. Join the club. I thought the guy was annoying several chapters ago.

So Edward’s been listening in on Bella’s conversations, and this upsets the girl, for obvious reasons. He says he’s sorry and she forgives him because how can you stay angry at someone as gorgeous as Edward? He also offers to let Bella drive Saturday to wherever they’re going.

The next day, as Edward drives Bella to school, and throughout the day, he asks her question after question after question after question after…you get the picture. He asks lots of questions. What’s her favorite color, what music does she listen to, what movies does she like, what movies does she hate, what places does she want to go to.

Bella says her favorite color is brown. I don’t believe that for a second. Brown is like the Phantom Menace or Tokyo Drift of colors. Nobody would say it’s their favorite.

Some questions catch her by surprise, like What is Your Favorite Gemstone? She says topaz, even though her whole life it’s been garnet. Why? Because Edward’s eye color is topaz. So that’s all it takes for Bella to change her mind on one of life’s most important questions, is the color of a vampire’s eyes? I hope this doesn’t carry over to her love life. It would be terrible if she treated her boyfriends like she treats gemstones.

Edward and Bella sit on Bella’s front porch, talking for hours. Edward runs away when Charlie shows up with a friend and his son: Billy Black and Jacob Black.

Jacob Black is back, people.

Bad Dialogue, Part 29 or 30

  • What Edward said: “What music is in your CD player?”
    • What Edward should have said: “What kind of music do you listen to?”
  • What Edward said: “What kinds of flowers do you prefer?”
    • What Edward should have said: “What’s your favorite flower?”
  • What Edward said: “I apologize for scaring you.”
    • What Edward should have said: “Sorry for scaring you. I’ll try not to do it again, but I can’t make any promises because I’m a vampire and I might give into my vampire urges at any moment, so watch yourself. Why don’t you date Jacob? That would be safer. And he’s better looking, anyway.”

Bad Simile

“I dressed quickly, something stronger than butterflies battering recklessly against the walls of my stomach” – Bella

What’s stronger than butterflies? Liberty, olive oil, Riley Curry, stomach acid. A better question would be what’s weaker than a butterfly?  I understand what Stephenie Meyer is trying to do here – put a new twist on an old cliché – but it just falls flat.

The Moment When You Realize Why Twilight is Called Twilight

“It’s twilight. It’s the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night” – Edward

Roll credits.

Bella Potential Boyfriend Power Rankings

  1. Edward – Long talks can go a long way to making a long-lasting relationship.
  2. Jacob – Let’s go, Jacob! You got this!
  3. Mike – Part of me wants to take him off this list because he’s kinda dating Jessica, but I don’t think he’s completely let go of Bella.
  4. Tyler – I only put him above Eric to switch things up.
  5. Eric – Does this guy even exist anymore? I haven’t heard from him in about a hundred pages.

What’s Next?
Are Bella and Edward ever going to go on that long car ride together? But more importantly, will Jacob win Bella’s heart?


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