So, Yeah, I’m a Vampire: Twilight, Chapters 9 & 10

A guy drives a girl back to her house. What he did next will surprise you…

So Edward’s driving Bella back home from Port Angeles after he rescued her from bad guys and took her out to a nice restaurant where she ordered mushroom ravioli.

Chapter 9

As it turns out, Edward drives a hundred miles an hour without getting a speeding ticket, and he can also read the minds of most people, but for some reason, he can’t seem to get a clear picture of what Bella is thinking.

Bella tells Edward her theory: that he’s a vampire. He tells she’s right, than dispels a few myths about his kind: vampires can go outside in the daytime, the sunlight doesn’t burn their skin, and they don’t sleep in coffins. But they do drink blood. So there’s that.

Edward’s kind don’t hunt people, normally. They hunt animals so that they won’t have to drink human blood. But it’s just not the same. Edward compares it to eating tofu and soy products instead of meat. If it’s that bad, then I applaud Edward for having so much self control. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to do the same if I were in his position.

Then Edward makes Bella cry and it gets awkward. He drops Bella off at her house, and the girl tells her dad nothing about what happened in Port Angeles. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. The chapter ends with Bella making a confession to the reader: “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him…that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

Okay. So we have two people who are thirsty in two different senses of the word. Let’s see how this works out.

Chapter 10

The next day, Edward drives Bella to school. He brought her a jacket because she doesn’t have one and he is a nice person.

Jessica sees the two as they walk into the school building, and she is bursting with questions. Being the mind-reader that he is, Edward tells Bella what questions Jessica is thinking of, because that’s not creepy at all. She wants to know if they’re secretly dating, and she wants to know what Bella thinks of Edward.

In trigonometry, Bella tells Jessica almost everything that went down in Port Angeles, how Edward surprised her and took her to dinner, how he offered to drive her to Seattle, how they haven’t kissed and probably won’t kiss in the near future. Just the important stuff. Oh, and how she likes Edward, probably more than he likes her.

This is where Edward disagrees. As it turns out, he cares for her just as much, if not more, than she does for him. The two have lunch together and stare into each other’s eyes and talk about their feelings, just like normal people.

Bella tells Edward “it seems like you’re trying to say goodbye when you’re saying something else.”

What does that even mean?

The two plan to drive to Seattle together without telling Bella’s dad, because that’s a good idea. Bella prefers Charlie not know that she’s hanging out with Edward. Here’s a good tip to follow: if you don’t want your parents to know you’re dating/talking to/hanging out with a certain person, is it really in your best interest to pursue that relationship? Probably not. Parents are always right 90 percent of the time.

Bella finds out Edward kills mountain lions and drinks their blood. Cool. If you’re worried about the animal going extinct, don’t be. Mountain lions have a conservation status of “Least Concern.” So it’s okay if a vampire goes and kills one every once in awhile. Right? If that doesn’t make you feel better, just pretend that Edward only kills mountain lions who steal from the local Walmart and murder families of rabbits for fun.

How to Talk Like a Normal Human Being, Part 17

“Sleep well” – Edward to Bella

Edward, would it kill you to talk like a human being? Here are some alternatives for next time: Good night; sweet dreams; see you in the morning. Any of these is better than what you just said.

Edward’s Funniest Line

“It’s a bit easier to be around you when I’m not thirsty.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I find this hilarious.

How to Properly Use a Pronoun

You use a pronoun to refer to something or someone mentioned earlier. This is known as the antecedent. Almost always the pronoun refers to the most recent antecedent. For example: “Yesterday, I ate at McDonald’s with Donald Trump. He told me that I should dye my hair blond.” In these two sentences, he refers to Donald Trump. Simple, right? Not if you’re Stephenie Meyer. Here’s what happens in the beginning of chapter 10: “Charlie was gone again.” Two paragraphs later: “I didn’t see where he came from, but suddenly he was there, pulling the door open for me.” Logic would have us believe that this is Charlie, but Meyer and Bella don’t play by the rules. They wait three full pages before telling us that they’re talking about Edward. Now, most readers can figure this out for themselves, but that doesn’t make it okay. Someone needs to stand up for the rules of English grammers. And if it aren’t me, then whom will?

Rant over.

Bella Potential Boyfriend Power Rankings

  1. Edward – He doesn’t seem to be relinquishing this spot any time soon. He and Bella are wading deep into feelings territory.
  2. Jacob – His time will come. I hope.
  3. Thirsty Mike – Nice guys finish third. Sorry, Mike. If Edward didn’t exist, you might have had a chance.
  4. Eric – Who’s this guy again?
  5. Tyler – Here’s what Tyler’s done so far: almost killed Bella, asked her out to a dance, told everyone he’s taking her to prom. Yeah, he’s not a very good person.

What’s Next

I want to see how the school reacts to Edward and Bella. Especially Thirsty Mike. Also, is Bella ever going to go to Seattle? She’s been talking about that trip for chapters. And will Edward go with her? And if/when they do, what’s going to happen there?


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