Fainting at the Sight of Blood: Twilight, Chapter Five

What do you do when a guy says he’s a bad friend for you, but he wants to be friends anyway, and you’re not opposed to that because he’s ridiculously good-looking?

Highlights

Bella doesn’t see Edward at school, so she’s upset. Thirsty Mike is happy and talks about the trip he’s planning to the beach, which I apparently missed in the last chapter. Then at lunch, one of her friends tells her that Edward’s staring at her from another table. He motions for her to come over, and of course, Bella can’t resist.

“I got tired of trying to stay away from you,” he tells her. “So I’m giving up…I’m just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.”

So basically, they’re friends now. Which is good, I guess. But Edward says he’s not a good friend for Bella. Why not?

Bella, unsurprisingly, hasn’t figured Edward out. She knows there’s something about him, but she doesn’t know what it is. She has her theories–Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne–but she’s not going to tell him that. Personally, I don’t think he’s a superhero. I think he’s a supernatural being, however. The one that rhymes with lampire and champire and vampire and trampire. But that’s just me.

Bella rants about how she’s frustrated that he won’t give her a straight answer, that he wraps himself in a cloud of mystery while she’s on the outside looking in. She asks him to do her one favor: “I just wondered…if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I’m prepared.” He agrees, but then he says something worrying.

“What if I’m not a superhero?” he asks. “What if I’m the bad guy?”

Bella tells him she doesn’t think he’s bad, to which he replies, “You’re wrong.” So this clears everything up, of course.

In biology, the teacher wants everyone to know their blood type, for some reason. He pricks Mike’s finger and red drops start pushing through the skin. Bella starts to feel weird, and Thirsty Mike jumps up to take her to the nurse. He puts his arm around her waist, places her arm over his shoulder. To him, this is probably just as good as a dance.

In the hallway, she faints. Edward shows up and carries her the rest of the way, to both Bella and Thirsty Mike’s dismay. In the nurse’s office, Edward tells Bella that he doesn’t think Thirsty Mike likes him. She asks him how he knew she’d fainted, and he says he was sitting in a car, listening to music. Sure, that explains everything. He was probably listening to blink-182 or Rage Against the Machine or Coldplay or some other angsty band.

But then the two make an interesting discovery here. Bella can smell blood. Humans aren’t supposed to be able to do that. Foreshadowing?

Edward drives Bella home in his Volvo amid her protests. She tells him about her mom and how she’s dating a baseball player several years her junior, and he tells her how his parents died when he was little.

She invites Edward to the beach trip, but he declines, says he doesn’t want to make Thirsty Mike any angrier. Good idea. I fear the wrath of Thirsty Mike more than pugs and McDonald’s workers.

Fake Dialogue Alert

“Say that person did a wide range of bizarre things–from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating.”

Here are the worst offenders from that sentence:

  1. Wide range – Substitutes: a lot, a bunch, many
  2. Bizarre – Substitutes: crazy, strange, weird
  3. Pariah – Substitute: outcast
  4. Non-frustrating – Used in a sarcastic manner, so I’ll let it slide this time. But I won’t be as merciful next time, Stephenie Meyer!

People don’t talk this way. This is my biggest problem with the book so far. I wish I could put myself into the characters’ shoes, but I can’t for two reasons: One, I wear size seven-and-a-halfs. Two, the dialogue isn’t believable enough for me to sympathize with the speakers. There are feelings, there are emotions in the words that they say. It just doesn’t come across that way.

Theories on Edward

  1. He’s a vampire. I don’t live under a rock. I know what people say.
  2. He’s not a vampire. The only way I see this being the case is everyone in the entire world has been lying to me this whole time, saying that Edward is a vampire when he really isn’t. It’s a conspiracy. All the blogs, the websites, the tweets, the videos, the movies, their main purpose is to trick me, Jonathan Gallardo, into thinking that Edward is a bloodsucker.
  3. This is all going on inside Bella’s head. A fantasy, if you will.

Edward’s Jokes

Edward has a dark sense of humor, and I like it. These are his three best jokes from the chapter.

  1. “I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods.”
  2. “I’ve seen corpses with better color. I was concerned I might have to avenge your murder.”
  3. “Try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?”

Creepiest Question

“How old are you?” – Edward to Bella.

She’s 17, if you were wondering. We don’t know how old Edward is.

Bella Potential Boyfriend Power Rankings

  1. Edward – He’s really done a lot to help himself here, from carrying Bella to the nurse’s office to driving her home.
  2. Thirsty Mike – He’s not giving up without a fight. He tried to bring Bella to the nurse’s office. It wasn’t his fault she fainted on the way.
  3. Eric, Tyler – Bottom-feeders, both of them. Hopefully something happens in the next chapter to shake things up.

What’s Next?

So Bella faints at the sight of blood. I hope this doesn’t become a problem later in the book. Can you imagine what would happened if she turns into a vampire, or if she suddenly, for some weird reason, starts dating a vampire? There are all sorts of problems at hand. And what about Bella’s ability to smell blood? Is that vital to the story? If not, that would be a big violation of Chekhov’s Gun. But more importantly, what’s going to happen at this beach party that Mike has planned? Will he win Bella’s heart? Or will someone else show up and steal it? And when is Jacob Black going to show up? He is lit’rally one of the few reasons I’m reading this book.

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