This is Awkward; I’m Gonna Throw Up: Twilight, Chapter Four

Don’t you hate it when a guy asks you to a dance and you have to say no? Then another guy asks you and you turn him down too? Then a third guy does the same thing and you give him the same response? Then the one guy you do like offers to drive you into the city? Yeah, I don’t like it either. Happens to me all the time.


In Bella’s dream, Edward’s walking away from her, and she runs to catch up to him, but she never gets closer. She has this dream every night. Kevin Durant has this dream every night too, except he chases an NBA championship instead of Edward.

Tyler, the kid who nearly killed Bella, won’t stop apologizing. He follows Bella everywhere and now hangs out with her, Thirsty Mike, and Eric, much to the disappointment of everyone involved. Meanwhile, Edward won’t talk to Bella or even acknowledge her, no matter how hard she tries.

Thirsty Mike is enjoying this distance between Edward and Bella and he becomes more confident, starting to make his moves on the girl.

Now here’s where things get awkward. There’s a dance coming up. The girl’s choice spring dance. Also known as the Sadie Hawkins. Bella hates dances, mainly because she can’t dance, which is a legitimate reason, I think. Bella’s friend Jessica, who’s so boring that this is the first time I’ve mentioned her on this blog, calls Bella to ask her permission to invite Thirsty Mike to the dance. Of course, Bella says yes, Jessica can ask him out.

The next day, Jessica seems upset. At lunch, she sits far away from Thirsty Mike. That can only mean one thing.

Thirsty Mike tells Bella that Jessica asked him to the dance and that he told her he had to think about it. Why? “‘I was wondering…well, if you might be planning to ask me,’” he says. This was so awkward, I almost threw up. Props to Stephenie Meyer to writing such an uncomfortable scene. On a scale from 1 to the Sherlock Christmas Party Scene, this is about a seven or eight. That’s how bad it is. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click the link.

Anyway, Bella says he should tell Jessica yes and he says did you ask Edward and she says no, she’s not going to the dance at all because as of right now, she’s going to Seattle the same day. R.I.P., Mike & Bella. You were gone so soon, I didn’t even have time to think of a couple name. Mella? Bike? Thirsty Bella? Maybe it’s a good thing they were never a thing. All those names are horrid.

After this awkward moment, a miracle happens. Edward talks to Bella! Unfortunately, he tells her that they should just be not friends. Awkward moment number two. Bella now thinks Edward regrets saving her life, he neither confirms nor denies, and she walks away in a hurry, trips and drops her books. Rule number one of walking away angrily from someone to make a point: Never fall down. Bella fails to follow this rule, and by the time she gets up, Edward has picked up all her books.

Awkward moment number three: Eric, thinking he has a chance with Bella, asks her if she’ll go to the dance with him. Silly Eric. You’re never going to get with her, and besides, the dance is girl’s choice. You can’t ask her out. Bella turns him down, of course, says she’s going to be out of town. He says okay, maybe next time. There’s not going to be a next time!

Then, as Bella tries to drive out of the school parking lot, Edward cuts in front of her in his car and stops. She thinks about rear-ending him. Then someone steps out of the car behind her and walks to her window. It’s Tyler. He asks her if she’s going to ask him to the dance. Here’s what he fails to realize: he almost killed Bella––she’s not going to ask him to the dance. As Bella drives away, she sees Edward laughing.

The rest of the day, she can’t stop thinking about Edward and how interesting…and brilliant…and mysterious…and perfect…and beautiful he is. Then she realizes that this is the problem. Edward’s all these things, and she is none of them. She tells herself she doesn’t need Edward and shifts her thinking to beaches.

When Bella tells her dad she’s going to Seattle in a week, he gets worried. Her reasoning isn’t very good: to get a few books and shop for clothes, but he goes along with it. On second thought, books are worth it. I’d drive a few hours if it meant I’d be getting a couple good books. I went to St. Louis for spring break just so I could go to the Half Price Books in town.

The next morning as Bella pulls into the school parking lot, she parks as far away from Edward’s car as possible. It doesn’t matter, however, as she drops her keys into a puddle and when she bends down to pick them up, an Edward-colored hand grabs them. He tells her he caused the traffic jam in the parking lot the day before so that Tyler could ask Bella to the dance.

Edward, you sneaky little sea urchin! I see you!

Then Edward pops the question that every girl wishes to hear: “Do you want a ride to Seattle?” Coincidentally, he was also planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and he doesn’t think her truck can make it on one tank of gas, because it’s never good to waste finite resources. But wait. Edward, didn’t you say it would be better if you and Bella weren’t friends? “It would be more…prudent for you to not be my friend,” he says to Bella. “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.”

That’s good, right?

Edward asks one last time if Bella will go to Seattle with him. Too shocked to say anything, she just nods.

Ways to Ask Someone to a Dance (Thirsty Mike & Eric, take notes)

  1. Tell them that they’re smooth and good with talkin’ and that they’ll come with you to the Sadie Hawkins
  2. Draw a picture of their face, tell them there’s more where that came from if they’ll go to the dance with you
  3. Build them a cake or something, leave it on their doorstep and run away
  4. Just say words

Bella Potential Boyfriend Power Rankings

  1. No one is first. Bella rejected Thirsty Mike and Eric, and Edward rejected her. I can’t justify putting any of them in the top spot. It goes against my moral sensibilities.
  2. No one is second, either.
  3. Edward, Thirsty Mike, Tyler, and Eric – Everyone’s a loser!


“Well, I wanted to get few books…” – Bella

Bella, don’t panic, but your sentence is missing an ‘a.’ Right before few.

Most Unrealistic Depiction of Someone’s Basketball Ineptitude

“We’d moved on to basketball. My team never passed me the ball, so that was good, but I fell down a lot. Sometimes I took people with me.” – Bella

I don’t understand this. Basketball’s not the type of sport where you constantly falling down unless you hustle hard, like Aaron Craft or Matthew Dellavedova or James Harden. I would say Bella’s just clumsy, but the book hasn’t shown me that, so I don’t believe that she fell as often as she said she did.

Next Time

I don’t think it’s a good idea for Bella to go to Seattle with Edward. She barely knows the guy, and he’s proved to be a very confusing character. Will she tell her father? Or her mother? Or anybody? I kind of want them to go to the city, just to see how Stephenie Meyer handles this situation. I’ve heard of things happening in Seattle. It’s just the kind of city where stuff happens.


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