Twilight New Moon, Chapter 1: Romeo and Juliet and Bella

Romeo and Juliet is the worst. Birthdays are the worst. Twilight is the worst. Put them all together, and what do you get? The worst, of course! We open up on a dream. Bella Swan's dream. At least, she's 99.9 percent sure it's a dream. I like how people say "99.9 percent," as if "99.8 … Continue reading Twilight New Moon, Chapter 1: Romeo and Juliet and Bella

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Twilight Part II: New Moon (aka the worst kind of moon)

Every so often, a book comes along and enthralls generations of readers with its exceptional storytelling, clean, crisp writing, and believable characters that you just want to go bowling with. Twilight was not one of those books. The writing was messier than the cardboard box that I live in under the I-90 overpass. The story, while … Continue reading Twilight Part II: New Moon (aka the worst kind of moon)

A totally arbitrary ranking of select NYC mayoral write-in candidates

"Every election has a write-in option. That's how democracy works." — Leslie Knope, 2014 Elections are no fun. You spend months, sometimes even years, listening to politicians lie about themselves and each other and how they're going to make everything better, even though most voters have already made up their mind long before then. And then … Continue reading A totally arbitrary ranking of select NYC mayoral write-in candidates

Clifford the Big Red Lazily Written Menace to Society

There are a bunch of great stories written about dogs: Because of Winn-Dixie, Harry the Dirty Dog, The Call of the Wild, Old Yeller, The Poky Little Puppy. And then there's the series of books written about Clifford, the big red dog. These books are, how should I put this, very not good. Meet Emily Elizabeth. She has a dog. … Continue reading Clifford the Big Red Lazily Written Menace to Society